John 19:18 – There they nailed Him to the cross. Two others were crucified with Him, one on either side, with Jesus between them. (NLT).
So often in life, the most painful part is the in between, the middle. The space between the breaking and the restoration, between the tragedy and the triumph, between the death and the resurrection. Friday was the day full of betrayal, persecution, trauma, pain, torture, and death. Saturday was brutally silent and empty, void of anything but overwhelming grief and brokenness. Sunday was full of surprises, wonder, restoration, hope, and resurrection. Saturday was the in between, the middle.
Our own middles are also the hardest to bear. The pain is keenest in the middle. Whether in the death of a loved one or a tragic ending of something in life, when the tragedy first strikes, it brings pain but also the absorbing comfort of shock. We rarely feel the full impact of the devastating blow until the in between…whether that be a few hours or few days, the first impact while catastrophic is often less painful than the aftermath. In my own experience, the in between, the waiting, the middle…those have been the hardest to endure.
I think of the suffering of Job, from the first devastating loss of his beloved children (Job 1:13) to all the suffering he endured in the middle until the Lord’s restoration and abundant blessing came upon him at the end (Job 42:10-17). The hardest part to bear was the period between the death and the resurrection, the loss and the restoration. Job lamented to his friends and to God but felt like God was nowhere to be found in the middle of his suffering. God was silent. Job was mocked and ridiculed by his wife, scorned and judged by his friends, and suffered mental, physical, and emotional trauma and pain beyond endurance. Still God was silent. Job felt forsaken by God in the middle of his trials, much like Christ on the cross when He said, “My God, My God, why have you abandoned Me?” (Mark 15:34, NLT).
I think we often feel the same in the middle of our own brokenness when we are waiting for the restoration and healing so desperately needed from God. The middle is where we are left wrestling through the brokenness left behind by the tragedy. It is the valley of the shadow of death, the darkness before the dawn. It can feel like it will never end because we don’t know if or when it ever will. Much like the disciples on Saturday, we have been told that greater things are waiting on the other side of the suffering, but we struggle to see it or believe it.
It is often what we do in the middle that determines if and when we make it through to the end. The Israelites middle was the time between the exodus out of Egypt when God set them free until they reached the land promised to them by God. Many were lost in the middle. They succumbed to their suffering instead of enduring it and pressing through it. They gave in to complaining, idolatry, bitterness, envy, unbelief, lust, and worshiping false Gods. They lost faith in the middle. They gave in to their thoughts, desires, and their flesh instead of trusting God to provide for them and rescue them from their present troubles, even though God had rescued them from Egypt and provided for them the entire journey in supernatural ways. When we grumble and complain in our middle instead of thanking God for all He is doing for us, through us, and within us; we end up stuck in the middle just like the Israelites.
I am still walking through my middle with no idea of when it will end or I will reach the other side, but I do trust that there is a full life waiting for me there one day. Whether I see that full and abundant life on this side of heaven or the next, I can accept that I will survive the middle and see greater things to come. God promises to use all things for His glory and my good. That means even the broken and painful parts of my middle, my Saturday. Because I trust Him with the broken pieces of my life and fully surrender every shattered shard to Him, I know He will make it into a great masterpiece where others can see the magnificence of His mighty hand at work. And maybe, just maybe, it will help them survive their middle too.
Romans 8:28 - And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them. (NLT)
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